


Cards Against Steve's Purity

by CaptainKirby



Series: Playing Games? [5]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Games
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-30
Updated: 2015-11-30
Packaged: 2018-05-04 02:20:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5316869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainKirby/pseuds/CaptainKirby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony brings out Cards Against Humanity for Avengers game night. Good choice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cards Against Steve's Purity

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nerdgirl001](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nerdgirl001/gifts), [that_one_kid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_kid/gifts), [RiverSongFallenAngel221B](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RiverSongFallenAngel221B/gifts).



No one was surprised to when Tony pulled out Cards Against Humanity for game night. However, they were a little taken back when he also brought out three expansions. He could barely see beyond the stacks of black boxes.

"I haven't played this game in a while." Clint said as he helped Natasha shuffle decks together.

"I know. It's such a good game too." Tony replied.

"I think I'll sit this one out." Steve said as he got up.

"Buzz kill."

"I'm sorry Tony, this just isn't my kind of game."

"He just doesn't want to lose." Clint said.

"No, I just don't like it."

Natasha looked up from her deck of cards, "Oh, so it's a language problem."

"Just stop it guys."

"C'mon man. It's just a game. And no one it seriously."

Steve bit his lip. "Fine."

"That's a good sport." Tony said. Natasha dealt everyone their hand. No one knows why they let her deal, especially after the five-of-a-kind fiasco a week ago during poker night. But she did it anyways. And she was the Card Czar for the first round, which meant that she chose which card combination deserved to earn a point. For the first round, the card in the middle read "I drink to forget ____". Tony smiled as he slid his card down. He would've liked to play "last mission", but that isn't a card. And last mission did go pretty poorly. Actually, he did go to the bar with Natasha to forget. It didn't work too well, as he remembered it well enough during game night.

After everyone else put their cards in, Natasha picked them up and stifled a laugh. Tony thought he nailed it.

"Who put down 'drinking alone'?" She asked. Steve embarrassingly raised his hand.

"What? 'Last night with your mom' wasn't good enough?" Tony complained.

"You have no clue how true this is though." Natasha replied as she handed Steve the card.

"Wait, Steve, Mr. Language winning a point?"

Steve turned to Clint, "I was just lucky."

Clint received the title of Card Czar for the next round. Tony knows its important to cater your cards to the Czar, because different people will laugh at different things. For example, Clint is much more likely to laugh at a dick joke than Natasha, because he's a guy. It's important to keep these things in mind in Cards Against Humanity. And Tony has this game down to a science.

The black card read "What ended my last relationship?". Tony had this one in the bag. Clint looked at all of the cards, and lost all composure. He cackled like most evil villains.

"Who put in 'Unfathomable stupidity'?"

Steve raised his hand again.

"No... Captain America winning two rounds of Cards Against Humanity in a row?" Tony said. He was certain that  "An erection that lasts longer than four hours" would win it for him. It's perfect. It's something that Clint could probably not relate to directly, but at least get a feel for.

"I just took a guess, ok?" Steve said.

"Ouch..."

"Sorry Clint."

"Ok, let's see if you can go for three in a row." Tony said as he flipped over the next card. It was his turn to judge. And he (at least he likes to think) has a very _refined_ sense of humor.

The prompt was "What gives me uncontrollable gas?" A childish, almost innocent prompt. Tony didn't expect much from this round.

The other three gave him their cards. And he laughed. He laughed hard and long.

"Clint, this is genius. Auschwitz? You're both a horrible person and hilarious." Tony said when he regained his breath. But Clint looked confused.

"I didn't play Auschwitz."

"Then this was you Nat? Props."

"It's not mine."

And then Tony's face went blank. He looked across the table to Steve.

"No..."

"It made sense..."

"I don't believe it."

"You fought in that war." Clint said.

Natasha stood up, almost angrily, "Don't you have any respect for those people?"

Steve took his card from Tony and stormed away, "This is why I didn't want to play this game in the first place!"

A few seconds after the doors shut behind him everyone resumed play.

"Maybe we shouldn't have done that." Natasha said.

"Why? He would've kicked our butts." Tony replied.

"Yeah... but this isn't as fun with only three people."

"Then call Bruce."

"Ok."

And that's the last time Steve Rogers ever played Cards Against Humanity.

**Author's Note:**

> When I told people I'd write this, I got two reactions:  
> 1\. Dude, yes  
> 2\. Oh god no


End file.
